A Bloody Nose and a Bucket of Tears

9/11/2012:  10:27 AM

 

Another great week.  I am a junior class sponsor this year, so I am "lucky" to work all of the home football games. This Friday led to quite an adventure. A storm popped up before game time. We were set to ride it out in the concession stand until we received word to take shelter because of a tornado warning. Soaked to the bones, we (a handful of teachers and students) ended up spending the evening in a hot gym.  The game was finally called off just before 8:30 pm, nearly three hours after we had arrived. Despite the circumstances, it was pretty fun just hanging around and visiting with everyone. 

 

The horrible weather gave way to a beautiful Saturday. The game was re-scheduled, and our team won. Yay! Davis spent the night with one of his friends, Wade, and Annakate took advantage of having Davis out of the house by having a slumber party of her own.

Yesterday, Anna had an adenoidectomy and a turbinate resection. She has never been able to properly breathe through her nose. For years, she has been on a variety of medication to treat this problem: allergy pills, nose sprays, inhalers, breathing treatments, etc. We have seen quite a few doctors as well. Finally, the ears, nose, and throat specialist suggested we do this procedure. It is supposed to open the passage ways in her nose (nearly closed) and eliminate some of her allergy issues.

She was all smiles before the surgery. The doctor said the surgery has minimal side effects, and she would feel better in a matter of hours to a day. I guess I was a bit naive, because I was expecting a much different outcome after the surgery. Annakate cried a lot that she was in pain (throat pain from the breathing tube) after the surgery. The doctor assured me that the teary response was from the anesthesia. The more she cried, the more her nose bled. After the doctor removed the packing, it seemed to just run down her face. She was given morphine and codeine and was still complaining of pain.

She was finally released early afternoon, five hours after we arrived. She was complaining of sickness (stomach upset) for the first fifteen miles, so I pulled over quite a bit. It took forever to get home. And home was short-lived. Anna had to ride around with Kyle in the semi, while I took Davis to the doctor. Davis has another in-grown toenail. The doctor prescribed some antibiotics. He should be as good as new in a few days.

While Kyle was watching Anna, the upset stomach got the better of her, and she began to vomit. This continued for most of the evening. She did manage to eat a breadstick before bed and sleep for most of the night.

Annakate is feeling better today. She is eating noodles and crushed ice, and I have backed her pain medicine down. Her nose is still bleeding some, but not like it was yesterday. I am pretty sure she will feel like going to school tomorrow. Thank goodness.

I am hoping this week slows down -- way down. Both kids are on the mend, and the field work seems to be running smoothly thus far. I am still trying to find that balance of teacher, wife, and mother. Finding the balance seemed easier before Davis had cancer, or maybe I am just remembering it incorrectly. I will get there.

I know several have asked if Davis was able to go on his Make-A-Wish trip. We have not yet, but we will. Lauren, Davis' Make-A-Wish rep, has been in contact with us, and we are hashing out dates. Also, Davis' friend, Jordan (roommates with Davis last July, diagnosed a few days after us with Lymphoma) asked Davis to go on a bear hunt in Wisconsin with him through an organization called the United Special Sportsman Alliance. After being in contact with the organization, it was decided that Davis would best be suited to do a deer hunt, since he has never been hunting before. I truly can't imagine Davis shooting a deer (He has such a tender heart.), but he seems excited enough. I pray that Kyle is out of the fields and able to accompany Davis. I am not sure what good I will be in a tree stand hunting deer. If Davis enjoys this experience, it is our understanding that he will be eligible to go on the bear hunt next year. If you are interested in more information about the USSA, here's the link: www.childswish.org.

We thank you for the encouragement and prayer to this day. I love it when people walk up to us when we are out and comment on how well Davis looks and how they have been thinking and praying for us. It is amazing how many people have been touched by cancer, and how many people are truly pulling for Davis. With that being stated, please continue to pray for Cory's parents and sister. As expected, they are so broken and still struggling to make sense of life without Cory. Not a day goes by that I do not think of this family.  I can't even imagine the pain that they are going through. They need prayer.

We will keep you posted.

Another week - Another Month Down

9/3/2012:  4:05 PM

Well, we have survived another week. We are as busy as ever - light worlds away from where we were one year ago.

On Wednesday evening, Davis went to get his CBC and CMP. All was well. He had an ANC (immune system count) of 1108, which is great. The doctors want to keep his ANC between 1000 and 1500. His platelet count was a little on the low side at 72. The doctors like to keep that above 75 for procedures but don't transfuse until 10 or so. Since Davis was only shy a couple of points, they decided to keep him on schedule for his spinal. The low platelet count sure explains all of the bruises that are popping up on his body (mostly his legs).

On Friday, Davis, my mom, and I left at 5:30 AM for St. Louis. We arrived at the 9th Floor Clinic right on time for our appointment. There were several nurses wearing their Team Davis t-shirts. I just love that. Fridays in the clinic are crazy, and because of that, Davis missed his APC (ambulatory procedure center) appointment for his spinal by ninety minutes. Luckily, the clinic and the APC communicate well.

 

The clinic nurse pretreated him with Kytrel, an antinausea medication, before his spinal. This helped him tolerate the anesthesia a bit better.

Davis didn't have to wait too long for his spinal.

 

 

Davis slept for an hour. He has to lie on his slide for an hour to help prevent spinal headaches that he has been prone to getting in the past. He woke up in a surprisingly good mood. That is a rarity. 

 

Once we returned to the clinic, Davis busied himself with the Xbox Connect. There is a lot of down time between the chemo (which takes all of five minutes to push in his port) and the breathing treatment (which is done done in a special room and lasts thirty minutes). The clinic was crowded, so we found ourselves hanging out in the little play area near the back of the lounge. I am glad that Davis found something to keep him occupied. 

 

 

 

Since Davis has to fast for his procedure, we let him pick where he wants to eat afterwards. This time, he chose the Waffle House in Collinsville. He ate quite a bit, but apparently, it wasn't enough. I had to stop and get him an Arby's value meal in Vandalia because he was "starving". It rained all of the way home, but we managed to stay in front of the stormy weather.

 

 

Davis will head back at the end of September for his monthly chemo treatment. He still continues to take oral chemo every day alongside other medications. I remember how this time last year it seemed that our lives revolved around medication dosages and schedules. Now, medication is merely an inconvenience. He takes his meds without complaint and quickly now. Last year, it would take a daily fight of a small army to get him ot take his meds. Now, I can put the meds on the counter, and he takes them. NEWS FLASH:  Davis swallowed three small pills tonight!  To many of you, it may not seem like a big deal, but this little step is earth shattering in our home. Davis has a major phobia about pill swallowing. Hopefully, we have reached a turning point. We will see. We sure were whooping and a hollering here tonight though.

 

 

Every visit to clinic leaves me feeling ever more thankful and blessed. We have a wonderful community of family and friends who support us unconditionally, and we have a son who defies cancer while maintaining a normal eleven-year-old life. We are so thankful -- and amazed -- that Davis never lowered his own expectations while in the toughest throws of cancer treatment. He still brought home straight As and participated in time-crunching activities, like Band and student council. We are proud of him for setting higher expections than we require. I think he is pretty amazing.

 

 

And although life is much easier than it has been in awhile, I still ask that you pray for Davis and our family. I have no doubt that God is going to heal Davis from cancer forever; however, I still pray against relapse and organ damage daily. I pray that God makes him healthy and strong.

 

 

I am never thankful for cancer and I truly do hate cancer, but I am thankful for the opportunities brought to me by cancer. I am so thankful for the opportunity to re-direct my time towards my home and my children and husband. I am thankful for the re-focus of my priorities. A stack of essays to grade and a clean house aren't near the top of the list anymore. I am so thankful for every day with my babies, because life is so short and the their childhoods are even shorter. I am so thankful for the acquaintences that we now consider our friends. Cancer brought us closer. I am so thankful for those cancer survivors and their families who have journeyed parallel roads, because we are forever bonded by the illness that we beat. I am especially thankful for the children (and their parents) with whom Davis attends school. The kids in his class and his school never shied away from him or his sickness. They embraced him - never treating him different. Having survived my own adolescence and being a teacher, I know that some kids can be cruel to kids who are different. This has never been Davis' experience. And I know that children would not be so kind and accepting if they did not have amazing parents teaching them. This is just the tip of a great many blessings for which I am grateful. It may seem at times that I dwell on the physical and mental -- often negative -- side effects of cancer. Well, I guess there are positive, life-changing side effects as well.

 

 

We will keep you posted. 

Busy, Busy

8/26/2012: 10:44 PM

One word to sum up the week? Exhausted.

Annakate was baptized on Sunday evening. I am so proud of her.

 

School started on Monday for me and Tuesday for the kids. We sure haven't found our routine yet. I can never remember a time where starting school and shelling corn fell in the same week. I think the kids and I are feeling the effects of school.  Davis told me on Wednesday, "Mom, I think my hemoglobin is low." At first, I thought that comment was kind of funny, but then I was a bit sad. I was sad because what eleven-year-old relates the tired feeling to hemoglobin levels? I was sad because he could have been right; he has been a bit pale of as late.

First day of school

We received our first phone call from school on Friday. Davis has had a cough for some time (hopefully allergies), and was running a tiny, tiny fever. He has had a fever (not a worrisome fever; it's runs around 99.5 or so) on and off for a couple of weeks. We have talked to the oncologist, and he feels that it is a result of sinus/allergies/virus. Since the fever remains under 100.4, the oncologist said that his immune system is taking care of "it". Whatever "it" is.

Friday night, Davis and Annakate ran the Ashmore 1.5 mile evening fun run. The night race kicks off our Ashmore Day Festivities in our little village. I was really worried about Davis running this race because he still has very little muscle mass and tires easily. As fifteen minutes had passed, nearly every child had crossed the finish line. I noticed there were still two kids without times. Davis, of course, and his friend Drew. It took Davis nearly 24 minutes to round the corner by the finish line, and Drew was right there next to him. You know, I think God puts people in our lives for a reason. I really don't think that Davis would have been able to fight cancer so gracefully if he didn't have such amazing friends (and their families) who encourage him and accept him unconditionally. They have never once treated him differently because of cancer. Although not surprised, I was completely moved that Drew wouldn't think twice about forfeiting a race to keep Davis company.

 

Saturday morning . . .Parade! We were fortunate to be chosen as Grand Marshals to represent our little community. It was so much fun! The kids tossed candy at the crowd. They enjoyed that much more than gathering it.

Although he didn't place, Davis gave it all he had during the kiddie tractor pull. I am pretty sure this may be his last tractor pull. He's too big for the tractor!

 

Our church celebrated its annual "Friends Day" today. It is quite a happening, and we look forward to it every year.  Davis managed to make his way into the dunking booth. He was so tickled and excited . . . and so wet! I think he was dunked well over fifty times.  Annakate had some wet fun of her own on the water slide. And no, I don't have any pictures of her, because she was here, there, and everywhere. I couldn't get her to stand in one spot long enough.

 

 

 

Davis and I ended our Friends Day festivities early to head back to Charleston for Davis' piano recital. He played the theme from Star Wars and a song from High School Musical. I thought he did an outstanding job. He did mess up a few times, but he kept going. After he sat back down next to me, he buried his head into my arm and whispered, "I'm so embarrassed. I kept messing up." I think he's a bit hard on himself. I was very proud of him (and a bit jealous of his talent). 

 

 

Davis and I will head down to St. Louis early Friday morning for a long day of chemo. He will have a spinal this time in addition to his regular chemo and side effects meds. Once again, I ask that you pray for him. The anesthesia throws him off.  I will also be praying for a strong immune system. His persistent cough and elevated temperature could have eaten away at his ANC (immune system count). If his ANC is too low, chemo will be postponed, which prolongs everything.

 

Please pray for Annakate too. She has never been able to properly breath through her nose. That has caused a load of trouble for her. She has been on medication for it ever since I can remember, and it never seems to improve. We finally took her to a specialist. She will be having an adenoidectomy and a nasal turbinate resection in a couple of weeks. She's super nervous about it. Anesthesia and hospitals and bloody noses have never been a part of her personal world - always Davis' - and she is a bit scared. The procedure is pretty quick and mostly painless. Hopefully, she will feel much better soon. 

I know it may seem like I am always saying this, but it is true. We are so blessed. As cliche as it may sound, every day is a gift. I am astonished as to how far we have come in the last thirteen months. We had some really rough times and gobs of bad days. And even though the bitter bites of those experiences are as vivid as living them the first time, the simple beauty of life -- the days where cancer doesn't dictate our lives -- outshines them.

We will keep you posted.

School . . . Ready or Not!

8/17/2012: 7:17 PM

I love when spontaneity works out. Last Tuesday, we received some free tickets to a Cards game. We headed down to St. Louis to soak up a game before school started. It was wonderful. The seats were great, the temperatures were mild, and we treated ourselves to nachos and Dippin' Dots.

Thank you, Mike and FS, for the tickets!

My aunt was married last weekend. I am not sure how your families work, but with my family being spread out all over the country, the only real times everyone gathers together is for weddings and funerals. Obviously, weddings being preferred. The wedding was beautiful, and the fellowship with family and friends was even better.

My aunt danced with her groom for their first dance.
Davis got the second dance.

I met with Davis' teachers, the school nurse, and principal this past week. The meeting went well, and I feel better about returning to work. Davis' immune system is stronger than last year, but he is still at risk for infections. My fear is that since he looks so well and healthy and feels pretty good most of the time, others will forget that he is still taking daily and monthly chemo and that his immune system is still compromised. This might lead to more risk taking: kids not washing hands often, carelessness in covering noses and mouths when sneezing or coughing, parents sending kids who are "a little" sick to school. The teachers and nurse are going to help keep an eye on this to limit Davis' exposure to germs.

The next two weeks will prove to be an adjustment for us. I have started back to work (teacher) a couple of days ago, and the kids start school on Tuesday. Davis will ride a bus to and from school for the first time. He will have a locker with a lock (quite a challenge for him), and he will be responsible for taking his own temperature with a thermometer kept in his locker when he feels ill.  Kyle will be harvesting in a matter of days - a month earlier than normal. I think we all had forgotten about my balancing act of job and home, because we are out of groceries and there is a growing pile of laundry already. I am so thankful (and so blessed) that Kyle is an amazing team player and picks up where I left off. He has hauled the kids around all week and even did the grocery shopping this evening.

I pray this school year is uneventful. I pray the germs off of Davis for each day of the next school year. I pray that he continues to respond to the chemo. No hiccups on this journey, no fevers, no hospitalizations. God is good; I have no doubt.

We will keep you posted.

Ducks in a Row

8/6/2012:

Where is the time going?

Davis came home from DC with a sinus infection. Since his fever never spiked over 100.4 and since he was already on a broad spectrum antibiotic, we did nothing in terms of seeking special medical attention. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I miss having a child with a normal sickness. Well, I don't know how to really say it. As inconvenient and miserable a common illness makes a child (cold, flu, etc), you know that it will run its course and your concerns are minimal -- hydration, fever, possible antibiotics, etc. There is far more worry when your baby has a really compromised immune system.

Started Taekwondo this week.
No sparring, of course.

Davis headed into the new SBLHS lab on Wednesday evening. Wow. It is really nice. His monthly counts were taken.  On Thursday afternoon after Davis had attended the fair, we were notified by SLCH that Davis was neutropenic. His ANC (immune system count) was 495, a far cry from the 1500 we want to maintain. The nurse told me that he dip was probably stemming from the sinus infection coupled with the daily chemo. The daily chemo beats the body down slowly, and Davis' body learns to adapt to it and rebuilds. As his body (immune system) continues to gain strength, the chemo will be increased to allow it to build more. I visualize a weightlifter. The weight is placed at a limit that the lifter can barely do, but manage. Over time, the lifter gains strength and the weight is not a challenge, so the weight is increased, and the process continues. When the immune system takes a hit (sickness), it drops. The nurse had us hold the chemo for Thursday evening in an effort to give his body a break.

We headed down to chemo on Friday. Davis' port was accessed and another CBC was done to see if his counts were trending upwards. If his counts were continuing to drop, his chemo was going to be adjusted. If his counts were increasing, the doctors would know that his body was on the mend, and chemo would resume as scheduled. It takes well over an hour to get the results for a CBC, so there is quite a bit of waiting around involved. We busied ourselves with doctor visits and a breathing treatment. We even managed to play two or three games of Life on the ipad.

The smell of the alcohol they clean his port with
makes him sick. He always covers his nose with
his shirt and holds his breath.

The CBC revealed an ANC of over 800.  An answer to prayers. Davis' body was mending itself. Because of the bounce in ANC and his small increase in weight (now nearly 73 pounds), Davis' oral chemo was increased. As he continues to grow, the amount of his chemo will too.

The pentamidine breathing treatment is so strong that it is
administered in a special room and the nurse and I have to wear
these plastic industrial-strength masks. I would be lying if I said that
it doesn't bother me that I am protected from this med while Davis'
lungs are being filled with it for twenty minutes straight.

A nearly two hour wait for medication at the pharmacy placed us home Friday evening. Even though the day was long, it was good.

We are balancing the beginning of a routine while trying to use up every bit of summer. The kids and I have been getting up a bit early each day - a practice run for when school starts. The kids have also started eating cereal - the breakfast staple when school starts. I registered the kids for school yesterday, which truly makes summer feel over. I miss it already. I know that we crammed a ton into this summer to make up for last summer, and I think we all loved it. No one here is ready for it to end.

God has truly blessed us, and I am continually grateful for His hand on Davis. We have been through so much in the last year. This might be admission of a lack in faith, but I couldn't have ever imagined that Davis would be looking and feeling as well as he is this time last year. I am already praying for an uneventful year in terms of cancer's ups and downs. I don't ever wish away days now (each day is a precious gift and my children are growing up far too fast), but I am excited to celebrate Davis' year two milestone.

We will keep you posted.

DC by Storm

7/31/2012: 9:00 AM

I can't believe over two weeks have passed since I last posted. So much has happened during that time.

Back in March, Davis was nominated by his teachers and given the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. as part of the Junior Young National Leaders Conference. He was able to take part in the conference last week.

I know that we always worry about germs. We are always sure to weigh the risks with the benefits when it comes to allowing Davis to be exposed to tons of germs. His ANC (immune system) has been on the low side of healthy, and the doctors encouraged him to go, so he went.

The organization prides itself on helping children be independent from their parents, so we were away from Davis most of the time. Kyle, Annakate, and I spent our days sight-seeing, while Davis attended leadership classes and visited monuments and museums with his group. Kyle and Annakate spent the nights in a nearby hotel, while I spent the night with Davis. Although this wasn't ideal for him, it was the best way to make me accessible to him to give him his nightly and morning meds.

On Tuesday, we received a call from the conference nurse telling us that Davis needed to go to Urgent Care for an infected toe. He apparently picked a hangnail and it had become infected. The first Urgent Care doctor transferred us to a different Urgent Care center when she discovered that Davis had Leukemia. I called Stl oncologist while in transit, and she told me to go to the hospital. We ended up in Bethesda at a satellite hospital of Johns Hopkins. Five hours in a pediatric ER ended with a bacterial cream and an oral antibiotic.

Wednesday was rough for Davis. His toe was really making walking difficult. Arrangements were made for him to have a wheelchair. I was grateful for this, because I hated the idea that he would be sitting in a dorm room while his peers were out exploring.

We met up with him and took him out to lunch

View from Jefferson Rock at Harpers Ferry.

On Thursday, Davis and his group headed to the Capital for a tour. He called at one point and was telling us about how they were evacuated because there were two unclaimed bags noticed. He was feeding us bits about police and police dogs and safe cars. Not much more than an hour and they were back in the building. He sure has a story to share now.

Kyle is such an amazing dad. The little legs
wore out very quickly.

Thursday night, Davis slept in the Baltimore Science Center. He didn't provide us a ton of details, but he said he had fun and that it was hard to sleep in a museum.

Davis was able to see quite a bit of DC, and I know he enjoyed that part. I hope that he embraces this experience and the leadership skills that were taught. I think that learning to be a good leader is far more important than having your picture taken in front of the White House. Anyway, Davis loved it and is already wanting to go to the Boston Alumni Conference next year.

White House

WWII Memorial

Kyle, Annakate, and I enjoyed DC too. Well, I enjoyed DC. Poor Kyle. He was so sick of traffic and parking garages by the time the trip was over. We did use the subway some, but even it can be a chore at times. Annakate was super bored until I handed over my camera. Surprisingly, her favorite part of the trip (besides swimming with her friend Calista, eating Pinkberry, and going to DC Cupcakes bakery) was hanging out in the Smithsonian Museum of Art. I think she was going to take a picture of every single piece in that museum if I hadn't stopped her.



What took us hours to do in a museum, Kyle
could do in thirty minutes.

We really enjoyed spending time with the Fox family. Their daughter, who is a good friend of Davis', was attending the conference. Their younger daughter and Annakate are the same age, so Annakate had a friend to play with. I wanted to personally thank them for doing all the things great friends do. They booked our hotel, carpooled with us around town, listened to me whine nonstop about wanting Pinkberry, took numerous family pictures for us, watched our daughter, etc. They were awesome. Nothing's better than exploring a new city in good company.

We had planned to extend our vacation through the weekend. I wanted to head down to the beach since we were so close to the ocean. Davis' toe infection nixed that. The kids wanted to head up to Wisconsin to visit their cousins, but they were sick. So we came home.

Lincoln Memorial

Arlington

Davis is now fighting what appears to be a sinus infection. Luckily, his fever has remained under 100.4 when he does have one, so no trips to the ER yet. I am hoping that the oral antibiotic that he is on for his toe is helping him fight this sinus infection. The doctor will check him out on Friday.

Davis will have blood work on Thursday and chemo on Friday. Hopefully, the chemo on Friday will be routine. Chemo via port and a breathing treatment.

We couldn't be more happy for Jordan, a roommate of Davis' at Children's. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma back in July of last year (a week after Davis) and has sailed through his three month check-up. He will have his port removed on Friday. We are excited and patiently waiting for our turn to hear those words -- nearly three years from now. When we told Davis about Jordan's good news, he said, "Why can't that be me?" Sometimes I forget that he is eleven. Sometimes persevering seems just as difficult as everything else we have endured. Anyway, we are ecstatic for Jordan and know that Davis' turn will come.

Davis is looking fantastic. He has put on some weight and has a full head of hair now. We are definitely in a much better place than we were a year ago. I want to really, really thank you all for your prayers and positive thoughts. I am pretty sure that we could not have endured this thus far if is had not been for your thoughtfulness and lovingkindness wrapped around us. Please pray for us still. Even though the physical side effects of cancer aren't as evident, the emotional side effects still plague our home. Davis struggles with change, and a bunch of change is about to happen in the next few weeks. I am going back to work, the kids are going back to school, and it appears that harvest will be early. Please pray that this transition goes smoothly.

We believe that God is a healer and has His hand on Davis.

We will keep you posted.

Life and Death

7/15/2012: 8:52 PM

Davis had a wonderful birthday. The celebrations started last Friday and ended a couple of days ago. On his actual birthday, July 10th, Kyle and I were in St. Louis for a farm event, so Davis and his sister spent the day with Kyle's folks. They were in heaven. Grandma and Grandpa Coffey filled the day with fun activities that really made Davis' day special.

As most of you know by now, Davis' roommate Cory passed away on the evening of Davis' birthday. As soon as I found out, I texted my mother-in-law the news and asked not to pass the news along to Davis. Kyle and I wanted to be able to tell him and help him if needed. So on Wednesday morning, we sat down with Davis. He already knew what we were going to say and dismissed the conversation entirely. Davis is a thinker, and I know he processes his emotions (sometimes poorly) at his pace and in his way. I know that he truly believes that he is invincible, and I am pretty sure he thought that kids don't die from cancer - at least not the kids he knew. And even though he knew Cory wasn't doing well, he honestly believed he would get better. I knew Cory's death would have a profound effect on Davis. We respected Davis' right to sort things out, and we gave him space to do so. 

Davis has been struggling with headaches and belly aches for the last couple of weeks, but we have seen an increase in these symptoms in the last week.  He also has been complaining of being tired a lot too. We spoke to the doctor about this during chemo last week, and she contributed it to allergies and heat. The symptoms persisted - even worsened - this week.

Thursday, Davis had to have his billirubin, AST, and ALT tested. If you remember, last week his AST and ALT (liver function) were a tad high. Thankfully, the AST and ALT have come down, but his billirubin was up. The numbers are still within the Ok range for his chemo, so no more tests are needed until August.

In the spring, Davis struggled with some behavior issues (talking back, yelling, refusing to do what we ask, etc), and while they are not totally gone, they are much better than they have been. On Thursday evening, a side of Davis we thought was behind us emerged. He flipped out over things we would consider routine, non-issues in our home. He became very upset when Kyle informed him that we do not watch TV until chores are done or when we eat supper. Davis refused to eat and wouldn't do his chores until the TV was on. It was crazy. He would curl up in a little ball and hold his hands over his ears and cry. He would yell unprovoked. Davis' poor behavior escalated, as did his headache and stomach ache, and I called the doctor. It was agreed that Davis needed an evaluation.  So Davis and I got up at the crack of dawn on Friday when I should have been icing cupcakes and preparing my home for a birthday party and headed on down to St. Louis.

Not surprisingly, Davis slept the entire ride down (He does sleep or lay around a lot as of late). When we met with the doctor, I told Davis (as did Kyle before we left) that he needed to be up front and honest about his feelings and behaviors with the doctors. And he was. My heart was so broken as the conversation in the examination room unfolded. Davis told Caroline, a nurse practioner and a person with whom he is very comfortable, that he has been having headaches, belly aches, and sleeping a lot. I told him, "I know what you are thinking, Davis. Ask her." and he did. He said, "I think I am having a relapse, and  . . .you know . . . .well, Cory . . . ". This is when as a mother I am so full of every emotion and no emotion. I wanted to scoop him up and my arms and tell him that it was going to be ok, but it's not ok that children die from cancer. I wanted to shake us both from this nightmare, but we aren't dreaming. I wanted to undo every bad experience and spare him from the realities of cancer, but I can't. I wanted to restore his childhood and the carefree peace of youth, but it's been broken - unfixable, it seems. I was sad that these were issues he felt comfortable telling his doctor but not me.

Caroline reassured Davis that there was no evidence to suggest that he was relapsing. He also explained to Davis that he and Cory's cancers were not the same, and their cancer journeys are not the same. She told him that he doesn't deserve to be experiencing all of this. All things he needed to hear from someone other than his parents. I think he has reached that age where everyone else knows better than we do. After Davis' team met for a discussion, it was decided that Davis' depression and anxiety has worsened. The symptoms he has been having the last week or two all point to that conclusion. The doctors adjusted his medication dosage, and it is their thought that once school starts, we will see major behavioral improvement. Two reasons: medicine should be working better by then, and Davis needs structure and a bunch of activities to stimulate his mind so he doesn't worry so much. 

In the last two days, Davis has not complained of a headache or tummy ache one time. There's something to be said about peace of mind.

Friday night was wonderful. We had the family over for a huge birthday bash. Davis really loves spending time with his family, and to have them all over in his surroundings was a dream come true. We crammed fifty-some people in our living room and on our deck. After everyone had left, and he was sprawled out on the living room floor putting legos together, he kept saying, "That was so awesome. That was the best." I couldn't agree more.

We gave Davis the option to attend Cory's funeral. He opted out on Saturday morning. I was so thankful. After the emotional rollercoaster Davis had been on over the last couple of days, I was fearful of how he might react to the funeral.


Kyle and I knew that the funeral was going to be hard for us. But it was far more difficult than we imagined. Over the last few years, I have stood by half-leaved trees as I watched families bury two of my students. I remember thinking that the pain I was feeling was like nothing else . . . unforgettable tragedy. I was so arrogant to think that attending this funeral would be similar. I remember Cory's mother blogging about how she shares some experiences and stories on the blog, but saves others for no one else to know or enjoy except for those who took part or witnessed them. She commented on how so many words of encouragement, private conversations, and expressions go unnoted. I agree with her. And while I blog and expose so much of our lives, I reserve a certain amount of memories I hold sacred. Cory's funeral was sacred, and it pushed past the realm of long-term memory, and etched and seared itself on my mind and heart forever. Aside from all of the obvious reasons, we are forever connected and paralleled to this family in some way by cancer, by room 918. We will pray for this family every day of the rest of our lives.

Please keep Cory's family in your thoughts and prayers. They are starting a new, equally difficult journey. Please pray for Davis. He has endured more than most adults in his eleven years, and he is very fragile.


We will keep you posted.